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What's the Word that most inspires
disgust and horror and shame...?
The slipperiest and the sleaziest...
The slimiest and the clammiest...
The absolute coarsest and filthiest...

Not just here and now,

But in all languages and in all cultures...?
And throughout all of history...?

There really is such a word.
It truly does exist.
And this couldn't be 
easier to prove!

Some people will try 
to tell you it's the "L" word...

But forget about all that...


as you're about to see...
the one that already
has you squirming in denial,
is a thousand times filthier...

It's SUCH a disgusting word
that even trying to spell it out
is pretty scary...

But let's try anyway...

C - O - N - S - E - R - V - A - T - I - V - E

And as dirty and disgusting 
as this word truly is...
let's all be a little bit brave 
and maybe even try saying it...


Compared to conservatives, 
the worst liberals 
have ever done 
the least bit dirty 
is run up a few deficits 
or maybe try out 
a few new ideas 
that didn't totally work...

As opposed to 
the hundreds of new ideas 
they tried out

that DID WORK...

But conservatives have won 
every dirtiness contest 
over the last two thousand years...

 And counting...

This couldm't be
easier to prove, 
because what conservatives do 
is so disgustingly vile,  
that it even goes back 
a lot further,
further even 
than recorded history...

Conservatives can't help being this way,
it's part of their upbringing, 
it's the way they've always lived...

You'll soon see
all the proof 
you could possibly need...

Here are just a few 
of their dirty tricks 
and their dirty secrets 
 through all the ages... 

Let's just start
at the very beginning... 

All the way back, 
when people still lived in caves...
They'd been living there 
for a very long time...
when finally it happened:
just a few cavemen 
here and there 

said hey...

here's an idea: 

let's try out life on the outside,
let's try leaving the caves...
Just guess what happened...? 

Right away
conservatives said 


...as they always do...

They wanted 
to stay there 
in the caves 

Life is nothing but the caves,
they said, 
people belong in the caves, 
we all must remain in the caves
and never leave...

Later on, 
when we finally learned 
to live outside the caves
and kept ourselves alive
as hunter-gatherers,
 living together 
in small groups...

once again, just a few 

said hey...

here's an idea:

let's try planting crops... 
and maybe just be farmers
part of the year...

Right away
conservatives said 


...as they always do... 

They wanted 
to keep hunting and gathering

No way, said conservatives.  
Hunting and gathering is all there is...
we've got to hunt and gather forever...
Hunt and gather...
gather and hunt...

Came the time when farmers 
had another idea:
they said hey,

let's start moving
into towns and cities...

Right away
conservatives said 


...as they always do... 

"You can't live 
in towns and cities...
It's against god's will!" 
conservatives cried, 
"we all have to stay on the farm..."

"Towns and cities 
will lead us all 
into sin and damnation..." 

Easy to prove...
Just listen to them...
some of them still say
the same thing... 
even today...

Why do conservatives
keep doing this...???

Because that's the way they are, 
they just can't help themselves...
that's what being a conservative
is all about...

Conserving what THEY think is normal,
and totally destroying anything else...

Just think about it a while, 
and you'll soon see,
this is how they really are...
Just consider one by one 
all the things conservatives 
have been respsonsible for
through all of history...

And here we go...
(wow, we've finally made it
out of pre-history)
& onward into history...! 

Here's just some of the things
 conservatives have been 
utterly responsible for 
over the past three millennia...

The decline of Greek skepticism,  
the decline of science 
and the onset 
of the Dark Ages...

The Sack of Constantinople, 
the Albigensian Crusade, 
the Spanish Inquisition...
The Counter-Reformation, 
the campaign against Copernicus 
and Galileo and Giordano Bruno...

The championship of slavery 
throughout the entire world...
from ancient times on down...

The growth of the British Empire, 
totally based on the soundest 
of conservative principles: 
outright piracy,
the slave trade, 
and the opium trade...

The French Revolution,
triggered by conservatives,
who were totally oblivious 
to legitimate social needs...

The American Civil War 
(including some blood ancestors 
of the Southerners 
STILL calling the shots 
in Washington)...

The massacre of Native Americans 
over the last three centuries...

Violent and still active 
opposition to organized labor...

Primitive educational standards 
for half the nation...

Poor or poisoned food supplies 
wherever in the world 
conservatives can make a profit...

Tzarist Russia, Communist Russia...
(yes, the communists 
were the most conservative 
of conservatives, however 
their theory may read)...

Fascist Italy, Nazi Germany, 
McCarthyist & near-fascist America, 
Nixon's neo-fascism, 
and finally Bush's as well...

Ongoing and still uncontrolled 
rape of the environment...

Abominable health care 
for half the nation...
worse than abominable 
for half the world... 

Bigotry, prejudice, and violence 
against Blacks, Latinos, 
and any new ethnic group
arriving in the US...

Victimization of women, 
and their ongoing murderous 
campaign against abortion...

Partial or total opposition 
to straight sex 
kinky sex
gay sex
premarital sex 
postmarital sex
sex in any and all of its forms...
(...except where conservative
lawmakers are involved...)

Unceasing and unthinking war
against the arts 
and freedom of expression, 
even when they are 
relatively innocent...

And their near total inability
to admit
when their policies have failed,
even when it is obvious
that they have done so...

Yes, this is who
conservatives truly are... 

Every single step 
along the road of progress 
all the way, at every point, 
conservatives have dug 
in their heels and done their utmost 
to destroy anyone who dared 
to take the slightest step further...


Because that's what 
being conservative 
is all about...

These are not political advocates
or political theorists...
they are political pornographers... 
which makes them far worse
than real pornographers...

They cast banana peels 
and other even sloppier substances
under the feet
of anyone who dares 
to move forward,
they're social Luddites 
who gladly hurl wrenches 
into the works and projects of progress.

They just can't help themselves, 
they simply can't help 
making politics dirty, 
disgusting, slippery, sleazy,
slimy, clammy,
coarse, and shameful...

Being "conservative" 
isn't a political position at all,
It's nothing more or less
than an obscenity.

And there's no real 
conservative "philosophy"...
just endless greed, 
endless lying,
endless hypocrisy...




Just remember, 
even a long word,
even a four-syllable word, 
can be a four-letter word...

If this isn't dirty,
If this isn't slimy,
If this isn't vile,


Because that's who 
conservatives truly are....

Are we really supposed 
to respect the opinions 
of these people...? 

Are we really expected 
to regard them 
as responsible members 
of society...?


are we really expected 

to  VOTE  for them...????

November 2010 
is coming...

Just remember who
these people are...

It may be 
the only chance 
you'll get...

What do you want?  

More abomination and shame...?  
More sliminess and clamminess...?
Unending tides and swamps 
of the filthiest force 
throughout the history
of the entire world...???


A Special Bulletin from the Internet


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This friendly comment* has been

presented by Alex Gross

*It should be noted that the preceding piece does not contain a single obscene, vulgar, or "dirty" word.  This parody has been based on the model of the intensive and well-financed decade-long campaign by FOX News and various rightwing PR groups to brand the term "liberal" as a dirty word.  By comparison with that mammoth and sustained effort, what you have just read is remarkably mild.


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